Howl

Monday.

Now my heart stumbles on things I don't know/My weaknesses I feel I must finally show.

Long day today. Hard day today. Hard to take the pain, the sting, the ring of constant animal fighting, of grilling the remains, of forking the coals over open heart wound. My eyes cannot close when I am always already in open world when not asleep. So, NBC, CNBC, ABC, CBC, A+E, all in HD, wanna rake our backyard for any traces of our once intact (but divided) spirits we had- When they cannot stop for one goddamn minute the poking the prodding the speculation the hating the finger pointing the theorizing
When they cannot for one goddamn minute consider that the people who have lost so much are the ones who need silence the most. Can't fall asleep, can't eyes closed, can't be on my pedal bike without passing a reminder, an image, a vigil or an orange cone. Can't grieve, can't get away, can't sorrow, can't love. Can't hurt. Only saccharine packets and strong brew, so our hearts are heavy and irregular and beating to no beat but threaten to make each one the last. Too many dead, too many sad, too many scared of crazy that dwells now in a cell and maybe just a little bit inside all of us.
I woke up with a headache today- no, not that same one as yesterday. This one came body first, emotion second. It belayed that my limbs were to offer no extension- the night crew had taken the day off and left the repairs.
I had a headache but no rest, only brief respite after 3 am cup of coffee and brief hello from Madrid. Sumatripan for the head but no match for headlines.

This is what is in my heart.